August 13, 2011

hip hip - hurry!

[This post might turn into a bit of ramble, just to warn you]

My life is about to change.

Our lives change everyday, whether we realize it or not. But my life isn't just going to move forward from the steps we take every day - I'm about to be picked up and drop-kicked into an entire new life. I'll still have the same family, and home, and friends. In fact - just by looking you might even be tempted to say my life isn't all that new. But my oh my... (here's where the rambling starts).

I can remember being quite young and watching Full House. Remember that show? I watched it when it was new. :) The middle daughter on the show was Stephanie Tanner. She was my age - and she danced. I remember watching the shows where they show her whole little dance routines - and I would get up and try to dance along. My family (lovingly) made fun of me - but I tell you - that became the desire of my 8-year old little heart. I used to lay awake at night dreaming of dancing.

I grew up in this little town, and when I was in about middle school we got a mall. A real-live shopping mall. Well, I don't know if it was ever "live..." I don't think there was ever a time when all the spaces had a store in them even in the beginning. For a while though, it was the glory of the town. They had displays set up all over the mall. They did these little fashion runway shows. They did carnivals in the parking lot - with a tall crane-thing for bungee jumping. I remember standing there with my dad after going reading the requirements. Height requirement - check! Age requirement - check! I may have jumped up and down a bit. I can almost guarantee I squealed a bit. I remember begging my parents to let me do it. My dream of bungee jumping died like that mall did. It now is sitting in a pile of half-torn down rubble.

In high school there was this kid, John I think, who could run something like a 4 or 5 minute mile. I wanted to run too, so I decided to take up running. But as it turned out I couldn't really run, so I decided to jog. And when even that was too much I figured power walking would do me good. I remember feeling l like a failure when I couldn't even handle walking.

The hubs and his brother got into rock climbing a bit. In fact, for his "bachelor party" the guys went on a rock climbing trip. I thought maybe that could be something we could do together, but well... other than playing on a short rock wall, it's gone on the list of what I was never able to do. We went backpacking once. We camped right on a river upstream from this beautiful lake. The hike in was beautiful and I was in awe of the colors and views and amazing scenery. The hike out was done with a grimace. Me trying to just not need to be helicoptered out or something. We never tried it again.

4 Things. 4 Dreams. 4 Things I could never do. The answer was always no. My sensitive little soul was always left crying and dreaming.

When I was 2 a doctor discovered I had been born with my hips dislocated. They grew out of their sockets and I had somehow learned to walk like that. I was taken to the Seattle Children's Hospital where they had to surgically relocate them. By the time I was 10 displaysia had set in pretty severely and I had a bone graft on my left hip. My right hip wasn't in enough pain to be fixed. Less than 10 years later I was in pain again. I started getting injections in the left hip to help with the pain when I was about 25.

This has been, as Paul says, a thorn in my side - literally - my whole life. I have cried about it. I have prayed about it. I've been bitter about it and I've accepted it. My entire physical life has been governed by my hip. Slowing me down, holding me back, stopping me from dancing. And bungee jumping and running and rock climbing.

But all that is about to change.

Because next week an angel is going to call me. And schedule my 3rd hip surgery. And I'm going to walk away (dance away?!) with a new hip. I'm getting a total hip replacement. When people hear (or see. Stupid limp) that I have hip problems they often say, "oh, but you're so young!" I cringe. My bitter side wants to retort something grumpy. But I always just shrug and mumble something about it not being my choice and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

I'm sitting here in bed, up since 4 am not able to sleep because my hip hurts. And all I can think about it the call I got today (uh, yesterday) from OHSU saying the hip replacement surgery is a go. The scheduler will call me next week. My doc is scheduled about a month or so out. A month or so... my heart starts to beat a little fast when I think about it. Is it really happening? Can I really get my hopes up? Will I really be able to do the things I've only dreamed about doing?

You're going to be hearing a lot about this in the coming months, just so you know. My bum hip has slowed me down from everything for far too long. I'm going to literally dance for joy. Hurry up, next week, I can't wait!

And on my 30th birthday next June, I'm going to run a 5K.
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5 comments:

Fiona and Michael Brown said...

Wanna training partner? ;-)

Cas said...

Yes, yes, yes! I would love it! Have you run races before? I never thought I'd be so excited for my 30th birthday LOL!

Abi said...

All I can say is YAY HOORAY!! I remember you in that cast in gradeschool and feeling so bad that you couldn't play with the rest of us. I'm so happy for you!! HOORAY!!

Fiona and Michael Brown said...

No I haven't so it would be a first for me! I figure now is as good a time to start as any!

Cas said...

Yay! We can learn together! :D

Abi, I remember how awkward I felt coming to school in that wheelchair and wanting to play with everyone too. :) That was so long ago!

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