May 31, 2011

no more goodbyes

It doesn't take advanced education to see that I am utterly and undeniably infatuated with my little girl. I stay home with her and she really is my life - in more ways than one. Everything I do - everything I eat - everything I say either revolves around her or is effected by her in some way. She is a little mime and we've learned to be extra guarded with what we do and say around her.

I loved this little creature before she was even born.

And while I'm quite certain I'll someday talk about the little boy I'm about to give birth to, this post is just for Millie.

My sweet pea. My little angel. Snuggle buns. Lovey bear. Boo boo. She's got love-names coming out of her ears. I'm not sure if it's a bond that all stay-at-home-moms have with their kids, or if it's a first-child bond, or if I'm just weirdly obsessed with my child. Maybe a combination of the above. However, it's there and it's strong.

From an early age (of about 4 hours old - when I met her) she was just an uncannily good baby. She had a short bout of colic but other than that, she never really fussed or cried much. She's been sick once in her life, she must have been around 6 months old. Her and I both got pretty sick and she handled it like a trooper. She isn't a pill when cutting those awful molars (for the most part) and really, in the 20 months of her life, we have been overwhelmingly blessed by this little girl.

Which is why I can't imagine saying goodbye to her.

I've spent a good deal of time the past few days thinking about what it would be like to loose her. No, not a random morbid thought... a mama that I know lost her daughter early Sunday morning. She was 2 months younger than Millie. To say my heart aches for her is an understatement. I yearn and cry and pray for her. This poor, poor mother. And then I watch Todd with Millie, and I hurt all over again thinking of the father... there is such a special bond between a daddy and his little girl. A bond not meant to be broken.

I'm not trying to be a downer but I just wanted to share a matter of my heart. And ask for prayers for these hurting parents. And though I hope to God I never have to go through what they are going through, I also hope to God that He will bring them comfort and peace and understanding. Oh how I long to live in a world where there are no more goodbyes. No more hurts. No more broken bonds. That world is called Heaven. Someday we'll call it home.


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