something to smile about

January 7:
It feels like weeks since I’ve written last - so much has happened. So many emotions. So many feelings. So many blessings.

Our day began with the news that our local hospital, where we went to the ER initially, called to tell us that the tumor is inoperable as-is. They wanted to start chemo right away to try to shrink it so it can be removed as soon as possible.

One thing we have learned about Sarcoma is that about half of Sarcomas are not responsive to chemo.

You can read between the lines and imagine the thoughts that exploded as the chain-reaction of realizations went through my mind. My husband looked numb. I went into “strong mode” and set to work on the tasks that needed to be done.

Be strong for Todd. Stay strong for him. Don’t break down yet.

By the time I got home from the bank and picking up trash bags, the west coast was awake. I might have made more calls today than I’ve made in the last 4 years combined.

After paying the deposit to make an appointment (which praise the Lord, they will give back to us after the insurance gets all entered), I was able to start talking to various departments around the hospital. My little notebook is filling up fast.

The surgeon who will be doing the surgery to remove the cancer needed to look at Todd’s file before they could give us too much info. We made a tentative appointment for January 18th, the first available appointment. The lady scheduling it said that we could do the biopsy tomorrow morning as planned and have it all sent up to Seattle.

Hours later, they called back. The doctor had looked at the file. Suddenly an appointment opened up a week earlier and they want him in right away. The doc also said no biopsy here - he wants to do it himself in Seattle when Todd gets here. I’d like to think I shouldn’t feel nervous about the haste, but after hearing this morning what the local hospital’s opinion is, it’s hard not to. 

January 8:
Today we packed up the hangar. Eleven months of blood, sweat, and tears was boxed away, and put in one of 2 piles: one of our personal belongings that got piled in one corner, waiting for us to return to pick back up where we left off, and the other in the opposite corner of everything needed to finish the plane. That pile is the small pile.

If this cancer thing wouldn’t have happened, I might have been writing about our first flight today. It’s that close. But, nonetheless not finished. Everything is boxed up neatly, waiting for someone to be able to come along and finish it up so it can get down to Guyana.

Today was the most normal day I’ve had since this all started. There were some hilarious parts, like when my girlfriend and I got back to the hangar and realized that the tailgate had not latched and the massive truck grill had fallen out at some point. Not hilarious until we found it and were able to make sure no one was hurt.

And there were some surprises, like when I took Amelia out to say goodbye to the horses and was thinking we might be able to let her get the pony out to ride in the yard, and we were actually surprised with one last little trail ride. I didn’t want to get on that horse, but as soon as I did, I was so very glad for this blessing. It was the first time since all this happened that I felt free. Just for a moment, all was right in my world and I felt the sunshine on my face.

And there was a scary part, when Amelia’s friend was bucked off the pony. I was so glad - we were all so glad - she was OK. Just a little scared. When I got a call from the hospital I popped off my horse and the little one got on her. I was happy to see her get back on.

The best part of the day was finally getting a prescription for some stronger medication for Todd. I’ve been worrying so much about him flying alone in so much pain. At least he’s got something to help him now. I just hope he’s not too drugged!

The most exciting part of our day was finding out that Amelia (6) has not one, but two loose teeth! Both her bottom front teeth are loose and she is thrilled! She’s been wanting to lose a tooth ever since her friend Liam lost his first tooth.

It’s nice to have something to smile about.