April 13, 2014

the book

I feel a little bit inspired to start writing again. 

Oh my stars. 

If you’re thinking, “This chick writes all the time. Hello, you blog. Duh.” Then let me clarify. 

I wrote a book a while back. 

It is the humorous yet inspiring story of a family from Oregon moving to South America as missionaries. Or something like that. 

I spent every waking second writing for about 3 months straight to make it bookish after spending five months writing, journaling, and recording our journey. Then, I finished the rough draft, declared my desire to vomit, and refused to even talk about it for seven months. 

Friend: “Hey, how is your book coming along?”
Me: “Yeah! Hey, I think I should cut my hair!”
Friend: “Um… ok. Are you still working on it?”
Me: “My hair?”
Friend: “No, your book?”
Me (whispering): “I need ice cream.”
Every conversation where anyone brought up “the book” basically ended like that.

I made a special file in my documents on my computer where I could hide it and not even have to look at it. I haven’t opened it in seven months. 

I have nothing to say, really. It’s horrible. No one will even want to read it. I sent it to about five well-meaning friends who wanted to read it and give me some feedback. Not one of them (to my knowledge) ever actually read it. If they did, it was so awful it gave them nightmares and couldn’t talk about it. At least to me. (Ok, pity party over. Whatever. I know people are busy and I am too sensitive). 

Today the weirdest thing happened: I thought about my book. And instead of feeling nauseous, I kinda feel excited about it again. I seriously didn’t even think that was possible. But, a little spark in my heart has been flamed and I actually want to work on it again. Maybe. I’m still too afraid to actually commit to working on it, but I’m thinking about it. That’s got to be a step in some direction. 

Whatever. I need someone to keep me accountable for not going crazy.


Barbara said...

Grin. I'm sure it is much better then you think. I'm glad you are gathering some courage to work again.

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